A few things have happened this week that have really caused me to reflect on why I do what I do and why i am continuing to pursue my brand Love Living which is a fitting topic seeing as this is my first ever blog. :)
I want to start off by saying this, a good life does not just happen, living period does not just happen. It's not an accident and it's not some random state. You live because you choose it. And if you want to love to live, you have to choose that too.
I believe that we were created intentionally, by a good creator, that loves us, BUT for a long time I did not love life. I didn't have a bad life, I had a really good life.... but I didn't love it. There were times when I was annoyed that I even existed. There were times in my early 20's when I would wish that i could shut my eyes and wake up 90 (pretty sad huh). Subconsciously I wasn't choosing life, I was choosing something else, death. Somewhere I had decided this whole thing is just BS and I just don't want to do this thing called living. I don't even think I really knew I felt like that at the time but I can see it in hindsight.
I didn't deal with any of that heart stuff until my late 20's when I got chronically ill and it all came to the surface. Blah! It was awful and so confronting! For a whole year I was SO sick. No one could give me any real answers with substance and after a year of blaming everything and everyone else and majorly playing the victim I finally came to the end of myself. I finally got to the point where my prayer was "I will do whatever it takes to be well. I will change anything, I will give up anything to really live and live well. I want to live. Just show me what to do". Literally only a few weeks after coming to that place I met an amazing integrative health professional who is an expert is biochemistry and many alternative medicine modalities. In our first meeting he was able to explain to me exactly what was going on in my body and why and how to fix it. Crazy, after a year of no answers from doctors and specialists. A good health care professional won't just let you get away with separating the physical part of you from your mind, will and emotions (the soul) and the spirit part of you. It's all connected!
So the journey to wellness began and it was tough. Detoxing and dietary changes were TOUGH enough but what was even tougher was confronting those subconscious thoughts and beliefs. Those little lies that had somehow taken root in my life and my heart. I saw my health coach every two weeks and every time I saw him I just cried. With one sentence He could cut right through to the inner heart of me in a way no one else had. He was just an answer to my prayer in that season. I could not work through it alone so I enlisted myself into counselling. I also went through a process where I allowed a loving God to highlight the lies I had built my life upon and replace them with His truth which was good and full of promises that brought peace, love & hope. And i mean real peace, not just a nice peaceful feeling, but real peace that has substance, that you can lean on in all those crazy overwhelming situations.
The whole process was a good 8-10 months and every day i had to choose to live. I chose it in how I ate, I chose it in what i drank, I chose it in who i listened to, I chose it in who I hung out with, I chose it in what thoughts i entertained, I chose it with my words, I chose it with my reactions, I chose it in my imagination, I chose it in my writing, I chose it in my reading, I chose it in my attitudes, I chose it in my heart. And I chose it, and I chose it, and I chose it until I got better, until I wasn't chronically ill anymore, until I actually had dreams and goals, until I had the will to wake up every day and LIVE.
I'm so grateful for that journey. I'm so glad I got sick. It really was one of the BEST things that ever could have been. When I was in the midst of it, it felt like eternity but it was really just a short intense little season. It altered the course of my life and helped me to discover the real me. I'm so grateful.
Even today when life is not necessarily easy I still choose to live. I choose to embrace every day with faith, hope and love. Some days I do a great job of that and other days not so much, but no matter what, I live on purpose. I choose life.
What are you choosing?